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My Path Toward Polyamory [Jul. 28th, 2006|09:39 pm]
Wade
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[Current Location |London, ON]
[Current Mood |hungryhungry]

In which Wade provides some historical context for his polyamorous perspectives.

The Beginning

Start at the beginning, you say? Well, I was born on a cold December morning ...

... hmmmm. Let's skip the very beginning, shall we? And let's only very briefly summarize the rest of the beginning.

  • I was raised Catholic, and was a good little catholic boy, with all the associated guilts about sex and masturbation. I sincerely believed that pre-maritial sex was wrong, so although my fantasy life was quite involved, detailed and active, my teenage years were entirely celibate.
  • My first experience with dating occurred during the summer between Gr. 11 and Gr. 12. Naive, non-sexual, fun, and eventually embarassingly cliched, I mention it only to provide some context.
  • I discuss elsewhere my epiphany related to religion at the age of 19, and my subsequent self-identification with atheism.
  • A month before my 20th birthday I started a romantic relationship with someone I had been friends with for the previous three years. Although not entirely platonic, it did not involve sexual intercourse (my virgin status remained intact :-) The relationship did not last long.

Yasmin: My First True Love

I met my first true love, Yasmin, when I was 21. We both lived in residence, and she worked at the front desk, so one night in a fit of spontenaity, I asked her out a date. We went out for a movie (hey, I was young and inexperienced). And then we came back to residence and spent the entire night (until 7am the next morning) talking in her room. We gave each other the "original" Purity Test (a test common where I came from, but which doesn't seem to have gained a world-wide mind-share). The test measures ones' "purity" by asking 100 questions about ones' sexual and related "impure" activities. You subtract 1 from 100 for every question you answer yes to. The higher your score, the more "pure" you are, the lower your score, the less "pure" you are. We were both fascinated and enthralled with our similar degrees of sexual inexperience (her score was 93, mine was 91).

We connected instantly. We fell in love immediately. We very naturally and comfortably started exploring our sexuality together. Four days after our first date she knocked on my door at midnight in a housecoat and underwear (the wonders of residence life :-) and crawled into bed with me when I indicated that the door was open. And since I sleep nude, it got us past the initial akwardness rather quickly :-) We were both sexually naive, and yet we were very comfortable with one another, and we took our time enjoying our sexuality, rather than rushing into things. 6 weeks after our first date, we lost our virginities to one another. Three days later we had our first simultaneous orgasms. It was amazing, and intense, and we were madly in love.

I could spend a great deal of time talking about that first relationship, but this is supposed to be a historical account of my polyamorous wirings, so I will cut further details short. However, please do not take absence of detail to mean absence of significance.

So, we fast-forward a year. We are still in love, and more comfortable with one another than ever. I was living just off campus with 3 friends, and Yas was living in residence - I spent half my time there, and she spent half her time at my place. During the last year, we had always been comfortable pointing out individuals we found attractive, and neither of us was remotely threatened by the other being attracted to others - it was just attraction, and we were completely comfortable in our monogamy.

Then one day in November, Yas comments to me that one of the males on her floor in residence had been flirting with her quite a bit lately, and that she found him very attractive. This was a Very Significant Event, because it was the first time I can conciously remember thinking outside the confines of monogamy by default. Rather than being threatened by her attraction to this individual (his name was Jono), I found the idea of her having sex with him both emotionally and sexually very appealling. Emotionally appealing because it was obvious that she was turned on by him, and it made me feel happy and warm inside to know that with my encouragement, she would be able to experience the adrenaline-rush sex that comes from a heady combination of newness, intense chemistry, and the flaunting of societal taboos wrt monogamy. Sexually arousing because I get more out of my partner's sexual arousal than anything else. I could imagine how intense that kind of situation would be if the roles were reversed, and imagining her having that kind of intensity was powerfully erotic.

In my memory of the event, all of these thoughts went through my mind basically instantaneously. But I have these suspicions that maybe I think I'm smarter than I really am, so it is possible there was a few seconds delay :-) In any event, shortly after Yas commented on Jono's attraction to her, and her attraction to him, I very sincerely said "If you want to have sex with him, I have absolutely no problems with that at all." A statement that lead to a very interesting two month long conversation (I'm not exaggerating here, btw!) between the two of us about our mutually compatible (but here-to-fore unrealized and thus uncommunicated) distinctions between emotional and sexual monogamy. Over that two month period, we come to fully and truly realize that neither of us was threatened by the other being sexually intimate with another person, although we weren't thinking along the lines of full-on emotional relationships with others (in fact, we were still somewhat trapped within the monogamous mindset because it didn't cross our minds to ask each other about that). Rather, we called it the "ski weekend hottub" scenario: If either of us happened to find themselves in a situation where they were sexually interested in another person, and the opportunity arose, we gave each other permission to explore further, as long as the other individual was informed as soon as reasonably possible. Now, keep in mind that this was years before I heard of the term polyamory. And that I grew up in a tiny, hyper-conservative farming community, then went to university, where I was an innocent virginal boy during my entire undergraduate degree. So this was significantly outside of my (or Yas') upbringing framework. But that just made the idea even more apppealing.

The two of us also joked about another advantage of having an open relationship. Remember the purity test we both took during our first date? Over the intervening year, we had continued to update our test scores, enthusiastically noting and actively seeking to reduce our "purity" by doing things that would lose us a purity point. We had established that it was impossible for us to get a score below 11 (certain questions like "did you have sexual intercourse in high school?" were obviously impossible). Furthermore, we had also established that we didn't have an interest in a score below 20 (questions like "have you ever been arrested?" weren't the kind of purity reduction we were looking for). Within our first year, we had managed to reduce our scores from 93/91 to 33/31. One of the questions on the test was Have you had sex with two different people within a 24 hour period?" How perfect - an open relationship and the potential to loose a purity point! :-)

After the two month conversation, and once Yas was convinced that I was honestly not only ok with her having sex with Jono, but actively encouraging her to do so, she did something that to this day makes me laugh. Yas is a beautiful east indian girl, very bubbly and vivacious. She was very comfortable with her sexuality, but didn't flaunt it, and wasn't usually aggressive with it. Which made the times she stepped outside of that persona all the more interesting. One bright day in January, she strolled into Jono's room (they were in Residence, remember) and said, quite simply, "Jono, if you ever want to fuck me, please let me know". Then she turned around and walked out of the room. Or at least, that's the way I remember it - I've probably confabulated it to hell and gone, and the real interaction probably wasn't like that at all, but that's how I remember her relating it to me. I'll have to compare my memories of the event with her's and find out if it is remotely close to what really happened :-)

Anyways, they did end up talking about it, and both Yas and I were very impressed with Jono, because he politedly declined the offer, as he had recently gotten back together again with an ex (and was in a long-distance relationship). We both thought that was extremely commendable (did I mention that Yas is hot? :-). Our relationship continued on its merry way, and I found the knowledge that I could interact sexually with others more appealing than actually doing so. I tend to be excessively concerned about the sexual motivations of others, and knew that finding someone I would be comfortable interacting with in a casual sexual context were quite slim. But knowing I could, were the unlikely to occur, was very appealing. We mentioned our (to us) highly unusual agreement to a few very close friends, but for the most part it had very little observable impact on our relationship or how we interacted with others.

Then came the phone call, at 11:24pm on a late April evening. Finals were just finishing, and I was at my place. Yas was calling from residence, and as soon as I answered, she said "Guess what?". We hadn't talked about our open relationship recently, but even so, I knew with a certainty that she had had sex with Jono. I said I'd be over in 10 minutes, and hung up. I distinctly remember experiencing 30 seconds of butterflies-nervousness in my stomach wondering how this would affect our relationship. And other than that 30 seconds of mild nervousness, the rest of the walk over to residence was a combination of happiness and excitement, and I never once ever had a cause to regret the openness of the relationship.

She was lying on her bed, in a sexy black nightie I had never seen before, when I walked in the door. I have a picture of it. We had sex, of course. And don't forget the purity point :-). We figured it was about 24 minutes between partners, instead of 24 hours. During, and after, our sexual rompings, she gave me a detailed description of what had happened, and how it had made her feel, and all that wonderfulness. It was awesome in every way, and neither of us had any regrets. And to add to the enjoyment, I got to tease three of her/our friends. These friends lived on the same floor as her, and we had hung out a fair amount. Yas and I had not, however, mentioned our dynamic to them (only our very closest friends knew). And yet, on that particular night, all three of these friends knew that Yas was being fucked by Jono. One knew because Yas had borrowed a sexy black slip from her. And the other two knew because Yas is very, very much a screamer during sex. And they saw me coming in to residence after 11:30pm, so they knew that the screams the first time around weren't because of me. I waited for a few days to see how the three of them responded to the situation, and then started teasing all of them about not "protecting me", either by talking to Yas about hurting me, or telling me what had happened. Most amusingly fun, because they were relieved, puzzled and fascinated by our open relationship, even though it wasn't something they were interested in for themselves.

To interject a realistic aside, this entire situation really was almost perfect because Jono was leaving the next day (classes were over and he was flying back home to New Zealand). She didn't have to worry about akwardness afterwards, and all that. The only downside was that Jono was (presumably - I don't even know for sure) still in the long distance relationship with his girlfriend. It was a terribly unfair temptation for Yas to dangle in front of him (although in our defense, we didn't know he was attached when she made her amusingly provocative offer 5 months before). Should Yas have said no in this situation? From a ethical purists perspective, yes, probably she should have. But damn, that is such a difficult one! Yas wasn't cheating. True, she was condoning cheating by proceeding, but is it up to her to enforce his ethics? Is it terrible to have a one-time, purely-sexual fling with someone in a different city, whom you'll never see again? The purist will of course say yes to these questions. But reality isn't as easy.

Sherine & The Token White Boy

My relationship with Yas continued for another year. Eventually, we did get to the point where it was either get married or break up, and neither of us wanted to get married so young. After we broke up though, (I'm skipping a lot of pain here, btw) I wasn't ready to have another relationship for quite some time. And even when I was ready, mutually compatible and interesting people don't just appear because I'm available, too my immense puzzlement :-). So, it was two years before I entered another relationship (and for the record, I was celibate during those years - I've never been very promiscious, even though being an ethical slut has appeal - me and my concerns about the sexual motivations of others tends to limit the amount of casual sex I engage in, even now).

My second serious relationship was during my doctorate. In fact, it was with a girl who was taking a graduate course than I was TAing. Being an ethical sort, I waited until after the last day of classes to ask her out on a date, of course. This date became, almost immediately, a relationship. And my status as the token white boy was created, because Sherine was a beautiful Egyptian girl, and we spent almost all of our non-academic time living as middle-eastern a lifestyle as it was possible to get in white-bread Edmonton (not very, but still, most of her friends outside of school were middle eastern, and I loved the cultural diversity).

Sherine was a virgin, and in fact remained a virgin for the entirety of our 6 month relationship. You might, therefore, ask what this relationship has to do with my polyamorous evolution. Well, part of it is my sense of completeness. Part of it is that although she was a virgin, we did interact sexually (although sex wasn't a big part of the relationship), and she understood completely the relationship that Yas and I had had, and she suspected that she would be comfortable with that kind of dynamic as well.

And the last part of why I mention Sherine is our rather unusual breakup. Our relationship had always been one of close friendship, including sleeping in the same bed, and some sexual interaction, but neither of us was in love with the other. And 3 months into the relationship, we had a discussion about where the relationship was heading. And during that discussion, we decided that we were going to break up. In 3 months time. Let me clarify. We didn't decide to break up that day. We decided that, 3 months from the day, we would break up. If you ever have the opportunity to end a relationship this way, I strongly recommend you try it (although the fact that we had more of a close friendship, and less of an emotionally deep relationship might have had something to do with why it was completely positive for both of us).

Knowing that the relationship was going to end on a particular date had a very positive effect on our attitudes. We actively sought out as many things to do as possible, and were much less complacent than we would otherwise have been. And when the day came for us to "break up", we went to a snazzy hotel, had a fancy dinner, went to a play, and had an awesome night (no, stop assuming sex has to be involved - it wasn't :-) After that day, we still saw each other at school, and were completely comfortable with one another, but we didn't spend any personal or social time together.

One last amusing thing related to Sherine. When we ended our relationship, I asked her to let me know when she lost her virginity. Six months after we broke up, I got a phone call. It was her. She was calling from the home of her new partner (an Egyptian doctor) to inform me that she had just lost her virginity (he was in the next room showering when she phoned). I was touched - nice to maintain a sense of oneness with and commitment to your exs :-)

My Second Love, and Some Bad Times

After Sherine, I once again was single for some time. I did, however, start using a phone dating service. You phone in, leave a description of yourself and what you are looking for, and can listen (and send messages to) other people who are also on the system (or by listening to their pre-recorded messages). The phone system provided me with some interesting experiences, and demonstrated that in many ways I was still rather naive. Although I didn't have sexual intercourse with anyone during this period, there was some sexual exploration (lots of sexual conversations, some mutually arranged exhibitionism and other-than-intercourse sexual interactions with a few people).

I met Christie on the phone system a year after Sherine and I broke up. We talked for a month before our first date, so we already had a real connection before we even met. And things progressed rapidly to a relationship after that.

There is much that I could discuss about my relationship with Christie, but I want to stay focused on polyamory, so such dicussions will have to postponed to aother time. For now, I will summarize some relevant information. We were together for 5.5 years, but were long distance for the last 1.5 years, and the relationship was strained the last 2.5 years. We seriously discussed marriage, but sex was a serious stumbling block between us. Most of the strain stemmed from my uncertainty about whether I could remain monogamously committed to one person for my entire life. I didn't know if my uncertainty was due simply to my lack of sexual experiences (remember, I had only had actual intercourse with Yas up to this point, and although we had purity scores of 32/31, the test was targetted at the teenage crowd, so it wasn't particularily ambitious in its expectations :-) I felt I wanted to have more experiences. I also very much wanted Christie to explore sexual relationships with other people too. After numerous very painful conversations in which Christie said "do what you want, but don't tell me", and me saying "no, that isn't what I want at all", I finally decided that I would do what she asked. I wasn't happy doing so, and I also knew, subconciously, that she would be hurt if she knew, but I rationalized that I needed to determine whether my concerns with respect to monogamy were due simply to lack of experience, or whether it was something deeper than that. So I explored various sexual dynamics. I had sexual intercourse with three different girls (once each). Although the situations were unusual (and thus interesting), afterwards I was left feeling unfulfilled and guilt-ridden. I also explored other-than-intercourse (exhibitionism and/or oral) with many other girls (around 20), and ironically found these experiences more fulfilling (only part of which is because they didn't generate as much guilt - I also had less concerns about the sexual motivations of the girls in these situations). During this time period, Christie also had sex with two different males (each one time) with my active and enthusiastic encouragement.

I made all sorts of mistakes during all of this. Rationalization to justify/excuse my actions. The belief that less sex meant less wrong. The ameliorating effects on my guilt of her also having sex with others. Even then, I knew, unconciously, that this was entirely the wrong way to deal with this situation, but I simply didn't know how to deal with it properly. Remember, I was still years away from hearing about polyamory, so I had no role models, not even an inkling that there were others who were feeling the same way as me.

When I finally did tell Christie about what had been happening, the pain I caused her made for the worst day of my life. I don't know if it was the worst day of her life, but the pain I caused really was unforgivable. In hindsight, I know that it would have been much, much less damaging to have told her up front that I wasn't comfortable with monogamy. But hindsight does make things so much easier. At the time, I didn't know that it was monogamy I was objecting too - I thought it was just the need to "have some more experience" before settling down. And the disappointment associated with many of my sexual experiences seemed to be confirming that my romanticiziation of casual sex was exactly that - a positive fabrication with no basis in reality. In a strange way, the fact that I felt psychologically unsatsified after an "encounter" made me want to have more of the same, to prove that there is no such thing as healthy, honest, fun sex outside the bounds of a monogamous committed relationship. And yet at the same time, there was this hope that such a thing was possible, and that I just hadn't found it.

Anyways, this stuff is very difficult to talk about. There are only two things in my life that I regret having done, and causing such pain to Christie is by far the bigger of the two. Note, however, that the regret is having caused her pain. I cannot, in honesty, say I regret the sexual activities. Most of the other-than-intercourse activities were positive and appealing. And even though the intercourse-related activities were disappointing relative to what I was hoping for, there was enjoyment in them as well. And they were an important learning experience for me, giving me some perspective about how important sex was. More important than I had realized in some ways, less important than I had realized in other ways.

Sweet Sexy Sue: My Third Love

After Christie and I broke up, I was single for 3 years (and although I again did some small amount of sexual exploration, it wasn't much, and did not involve intercourse).

One day, sitting on a couch in my apartment, I came to a painful realization/decision. I was never going to get married. I realized that I would not be happy in the kind of relationship that society required of me. I could not conceive of finding an individual who was interested in developing a loving, emotionally connected relationship, who also actively wanted to have other sexual partners. And that is what I really wanted to have. Since I didn't believe it was possible to find a girl who wanted that, I decided that marriage was not in the cards for me. Acknowledging this was not a joy-inducing event, but it was an important realization.

Six months later, on a lark, I joined an affiliate website of Nerve.com, did a search, and saw an ad from a girl that would change my life more dramatically than anything in my past. Her ad indicated that she was looking for two different things: 1) A loving, honest, communicative primary relationship, and 2) While waiting for the first, interesting, fun, sex-positive individuals to explore sexual interests with. In the past, I had found online websites to be completely ineffective given my "completely impractical desires" for a relationship - I "knew" that no female could possible be looking for the same thing. So this ad was like a thunderbolt to me. I spent some money, and sent her a message. 2 hours later, I received a response, and a few hours later we were talking on the phone. We talked for 7 hours the next night. I explained my relationship with Yasmin, and what I was looking for in a relationship. Real, loving commitment. Ethical, consentual, mutual non-monogamy. And when I started repeating myself (convinced that she would lose interest, or not understand the emphasis on consentual and ethical), she instead said "yeah, yeah, I get it, you are poly - have you read The Ethical Slut?".

I didn't know what polyamory meant, and it took me a few minutes to understand what she was saying. There was actually a name for what I was feeling. There was an entire world-wide community that felt the same way. There was a website for people who felt the same way. There were books written about the philosophy. It ties for the most important epiphany of my life.

Over the next week, I started browsing the websites she had given me, and I became more and more enthused, more amazed, more ... indescribably comforted. The emphasis on honesty, communication, owning ones own emotions, a desire for multiple partners. It all resonated so intensely with what I had been feeling and trying to work towards on my own.

We talked a few more times during the week, and made a date for Friday (she lived in Toronto, I lived in London, 2 hours away). We met at a club. We had a connection immediately. We spent the night together. Actually, we spent the weekend together. Our first date lasted 50 hours, and was a whirlwind of new relationship energy. after which I went back to London. Our second date, which started the next Friday, lasted 10 days. No, that was not a typo. Let me explain. I drove into T.O. on Friday. We socialized with her friends on Friday night. On Saturday, we went to Northbound Leather (a store specializing in high-end fetish outfits) and bought me a PVC outfit. There was a big fetish party happening the next weekend at the Docks (I'd never been to a fetish party, Sue had been once before, and we both wanted to check it out). On Sunday night, we went to a poly meeting on the Rainbow Cafe on Church Street. Everyone talked about how they had come to realize they were poly. We mentioned that this was our second date. Noone else seemed to appreciate the humor in that. "How long have you two known each other?" "Oh, ah, one week." :-) hee hee. We thought we were cool, although I was kinda embarassed because I knew that everyone else was probably rolling their eyes. Anyways, after the meeting, we drove back to London (Sue was in college, and in one of those amazingly fortuitious coincidences, that week her college had a study break). We spent the entire week getting to know each other more and more. She came to watch me teach. We went dancing. We explored. Then on Friday, we went back into Toronto during the day. That night, we went to a small downtown swingers club (I had never been to one, she had gone once before). On Saturday, we went to the big fetish show at the Docks. On Sunday, when I left back to London, our second date ended. 10 days. A poly meeting. A swingers club. A fetish event. Sex. Exhibitionism. Connecting. Partying. I was in love with her by the end of my second date. But by the end of our second date, we had already spent more than 250 hours together :-) Compare that with more traditional dates (lets say 5 hours each?). Our two dates were the equivalent of 50 such dates. And we probably did more in those two dates than most people do in 50 dates!

We started out not knowing where we fell on the poly vs. swinger spectrum. We explored both (poly meetings, poly readings, etc., as well as various swingers clubs). Philosophically, polyamory resonated with both of us much more than swinging. But we were both still developing our own emotional connection, and had no interest in exploring emotional connections with other people. We were, however, interested in sexual connections, just not emotional ones. So we seemed to fall somewhere in between swinging and polyamory, at least to begin with.

As our relationship progressed, we became less and less satisfied with the swinging dynamic, and more and more comfortable with (and in agreement with) the full-on poly dynamic.

Deb, Will, ...

Ok, so, as this posting is supposed to be about my polyamorous evolution, I'm going to wrap it up here. Sue and I were primaries for three years, but have since separated. The reasons for that are outside of the scope of this posting, but I will explore them in another posting at some point in the future.

I feel that there is still some stuff left unsaid, but I'll have to reread all of these ramblings and incrementally improve on it over time. If you have actually read this entire posting (even if you sorta skimmed some paragraphs in the middle - admit it, I know you did :-), you should get a reward for perseverence. If you ever meet me in person, I will happily give you your choice of 1) a mint-chocolate Aero chocolate bar, 2) two reese peanut butter cups (I'll have to eat one of them), or 3) a hug.

Wade

LinkReply

Comments:
From: deeevamp
2006-07-29 04:10 am (UTC)
Fascinating! All of it. Enjoyed every bit. I'll take the hug.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: metawade
2006-07-29 06:10 am (UTC)
Wow! I didn't expect anyone to read it, never mind this quickly. Whenever I find myself in L.A., the hug is yours! I reread the post, fixed some minor typos, and realized one significant issueneeds more detail - I haven't discussed our secondary relationships at all yet. I'll hopefully find some time tomorrow, but this damn livejournal stuff is distracting me from other things that need to get done :-) Hope things are going well with you!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
From: iisz
2006-07-29 06:46 pm (UTC)
Hi, I've seen you on the polyamoury LJ and I think you are extremely well written. I am going to friend you, and you can peruse my info and lj and friend me or not.

I am not as expansive in my entries as you. I have to do a lot of writing for school, and there is not a lot left over. But reading you might spur me on to try bigger entries.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: metawade
2006-09-13 06:06 am (UTC)

Hey C! I'm pretty sure I responded to this message long ago when it was first posted, but apparently I forgot to post the comment or something. In any event, I'm very happy you friended me - I've very much enjoyed our dialogs so far, and look forward to more.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
From: iisz
2006-09-13 06:13 am (UTC)
:) Me too. Now read my newest entry on my LJ, Mister!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: vettha
2006-08-12 03:41 am (UTC)
:) I like hugs.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: xkitty_girlx
2006-09-11 03:27 pm (UTC)
ok I want to know what all of the purity ?s or where I can find a list of them or some thing. well if you could email me them...... LiLDreamJockey72@aol.com
thanks, Natalie
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: metawade
2006-09-11 04:26 pm (UTC)

Hi Natalie! You know, I've looked for that purity test online, and don't think I've ever found exactly the same one. I will check again and see if I can find it.

Hope things are going well for you!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: metawade
2006-09-13 05:57 am (UTC)

Hey Natalie. I found a version of what appears to be the exact test Yas and I gave each other during our first date. Rather than emailing you, I thought I'd post it here in case others wanted it too.

The 100 Question Purity Test

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: scream_aloud
2006-09-15 02:43 pm (UTC)
diana wanted to say: "i have a friend who is dating the man who OWNS Northbound Leather -- i would kill to go there one day!! And the fetish party at the Docks -- one of the bigger fetish parties of the year in the SM sphere! =)"
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: metawade
2006-09-15 03:11 pm (UTC)

Hey Ducki! Nice to see ya - how you been doing?

Tell diana that having the biggest fetish party doesn't necessarily mean they have the biggest store. I've really not into the fetish scene, so I'm pretty clueless, but I wasn't in awe of the store itself. From my memory, it was actually rather small. Although the service person was seriously hawt - I think she is a pretty famous spokesperson for Northbound Leather - I've seen her interviewed, etc. etc.

Funny you should mention this - I was just checking last week as to when it was happening this year. Although I don't really identify with the scene, I'm definitely voyeuristic, and thought it might be fun to attend. Even have myself a PVC outfit just for these kinds of things. Unfortunately, there is a conference in Portland Oregon that I'm also planning to attend, and although they don't totally conflict, they kinda do. I have to decide today whether I'm going to try for both, or give up on Decadence (which is apparently the new name for this party - used to be called Climax).

P.S. Sorry I haven't responded to your most recent comments - I will do so sometime soon, hopefully.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: kotori3
2006-09-21 10:49 pm (UTC)
Wow. I choose chocolate (1 or 2 will suffice). :) Thank you for commenting on my very old LJ post. Apparently, U of A, Lethbridge and Western not the only things we have in common. You're very eloquent as well, and you write very interesting posts. I'll be "friending" you if that's okay. :)
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: metawade
2006-09-21 11:34 pm (UTC)

Hi kotori3 - thanks for stopping by! Just so I know, how do you prefer to be referred to on LJ? Do you prefer kotori3, or kotori, or your first name (is it Von?), your first initial, or something else entirely? And does this change depending on whose journal we happen to be in at the time I'm using the name? I just happen to like names - they are useful identification tools :-)

Thanks for the friendage - kind of you. Thanks for the eloquence/interesting compliment - also kind of you. I look forward to reading more of yours - I'll be responding to your recent feminism post with much agreement when I find the time.

I was surprised to see your response in this entry - surely it isn't possible that you identify as poly? That would be too coincidental. In any event, I'm sure we (and everyone) have many additional commonalities - hopefully we'll discover them in future discussions. Oh, which reminds me - I tend to be rather inquisitive and have no sense of privacy, so if I ask a question you'd rather not answer, please do just tell me - I will never be offended by such refusals to answer my privacy-violating questions.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: kotori3
2006-09-22 01:34 am (UTC)
Hi, you can call me Von. I don't actually use LJ that much - msnspaces has served me well. However, I might actually consider blogging in LJ more often if I can get intellectuals of your calibre to read my elementary posts. :)

No worries about asking private questions. More often than not, I have given TMI to most who befriend me (which usually leads to their disgust once they find out I'm not as conservative as they thought I was). I think our commonalities lie more in our agreement of "topics that conservatives should avoid" (e.g. Erotica, teasing, agreement on sexual freedoms, and appreciation/eyeing-the-competition of girls dancing in night clubs [physical attractions]).

I'm not sure if I'm poly or not, but I have definitely considered the idea, considering my strange reactions (and actions) in monogamous relationships. I think my serial monogamy may be a sign of polyamorous tendencies, but that's just a hypothesis. I have yet to try and prove it, since I've never actually met a poly person. Although, I would rather private questions in private (you never know about the internets). Would you like me to add you to MSN messenger?
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[User Picture]From: metawade
2006-09-22 02:08 am (UTC)

Hi Von. I can certainly understand not using LJ much if you are primarily elsewhere - I don't want to even imagine branching out to other blogs - this thing is draining way too much time as it is!

re: TMI... I've never understood the whole TMI thing, but very much try to respect other people's boundaries. Cool that we agree about topics the conservative should avoid (poor conservative weenies!).

re: MSN... most definitely add me - IM's can be very useful, and I understand your cautions about internet stuff.

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